


Letting Go

by Andii24



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Anal Fingering, Blow Job, Body Worship, Established Relationship, First Time, Fluff, M/M, Praise Kink, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 16:08:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10494555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andii24/pseuds/Andii24
Summary: “I want it, Frank. I appreciate it so much that you’ve been so patient and lovely but… y’know I have to get over this.” Frank takes a deep breath, looking in Gerard’s eyes reassuringly. He needs to find a sign that Gerard really means what he’s saying.- Gerard made bad experiences in his previous relationship but now there's Frank and with Frank everything's different. He feels like he can finally let go.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! :)  
> This is pretty new for me because this is my first fanfic in this fandom and English isn't my first language so please be lenient ;)  
> I wanna thank xoxofunghoul really much for being my beta reader ♡ You're awesome, love! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

***

“Stop. Please. Stop.” Immediately Frank lets go of Gerard’s hips. Shocked from hearing the panic in Gerard’s voice, he sits back abruptly and looks at the black-haired man sitting next to him on the couch.

“I’m sorry… I just… I’m sorry… can’t.” Gerard manages to say between sobs, tears running down his cheeks. He pulls the sleeves of his hoodie further down and buries his face in his hands.

With wide eyes, Frank stares at the slumped down and crying mess in which Gerard turned into. Heavy and short breaths indicate his growing panic and Frank just doesn’t know what to do.

“Gerard?”

No answer.

“Gerard?”

“I’m sorry… I can’t…” Another heartbreaking sob escapes his mouth.

Frank’s worries grow with every second he looks at Gerard and he’s nearly panicking himself. Figuring what to do best now he slips to the ground and kneels in front of Gerard. Reaching out, he stops halfway in his motion, sensing that touching might not be the best way to comfort Gerard.

“Hey. Gee. Gerard. It’s okay. You don’t have to be sorry. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Frank can’t see Gerard’s face but he sees his trembling shoulders and hears his unsteady breath. His chest tightens even more.

“Try to breath. In and out. It’s okay. I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to.” He takes a deep breath himself, hoping Gerard will follow the lead.

Moments of silence pass as Gerard takes a breath and exhales the air shakily. “Okay. That’s good. Can you look at me?” Frank asks gently, risking to reach out for one of Gerard’s hand as he lowers them from his face. He feels Gerard go tense at first but then his fingers cling to Frank’s, making his knuckles crack but he couldn’t care less.

Gerard’s eyes are glinting with tears and they look at Frank with so much hurt that Frank can nearly feel the pain himself. “You’re okay?” He has to ask it even though he knows that, obviously, nothing is okay.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m just… I’m sorry.” Gerard’s voice is broken and he can’t even look Frank in the eye as he croaks out the words.

“Stop saying that you’re sorry.” Frank says more frustrated than he meant to. But he just can’t help it. Seeing Gerard so anguished makes him feel so helpless and mad at whoever did that to him. More softly he adds “You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s okay. I’m sorry for not noticing you didn’t want this.”

He hasn’t even finished his sentence when Gerard already starts shaking his head. “No. No, it’s my fault. Just don’t…please don’t be mad at me. Please. I will do better the next time.” He looks at Frank with large eyes, pleading silently.

“Gerard, I would never, never be mad at you because you don’t want to do to this.” He waves vaguely with his free hand. “And whoever told you shit like that, should really go fuck himself.”

A small smile appears at the corner of Gerard’s mouth at his words and his vice grip around Frank’s hand eases off a little. “I want you to tell me the next time it gets too much for you, okay? You don’t have to push yourself just to ‘do better’” His voice drops as he says the last words, holding Gerard’s gaze, wanting him to understand.

“I will. Do better. I mean, not pushing myself. Do better in that way.” He stumbles over his own words and ends with a simply “I’ll tell you.”

“Thank you. Can I hug you or is it too early?” Frank asks almost shy.

“You can.” Gerard says with a small but honest smile as he loops his arms around Frank’s neck, pulling forward till Frank’s nose is buried in his hair and his arms lay gently around Gerard’s waist.

Gerard’s breathing slows down until he suddenly starts hiccupping right in Frank’s ear causing him to giggle and press Gerard closer.

 

***

It got better with the months they spent together. Gerard opened up to Frank about his abusive ex-boyfriend. Frank learned what was okay for Gerard and what was too much. They worked out because they both did everything to show respect for each other. Most of the time they were happy. Went out with friends. Worked on their projects. Got closer.

But sometimes, when everything looked dark and grey, they didn’t work out. Then they were two magnets clashing together. The irony of the whole situation was, that in fact they both just wanted the best. They both thought they would only do what they always did, showing respect and doing the best for the other one. But in these situations, their opinions of ‘the best’ were at the far opposed ends of the scale.

“I don’t think this will work out much longer.” Gerard fiddles with the loose strands of his shirt while leaning against the kitchen counter, gaze glued to the ground. Not daring to look at Frank who flips through the mail as the words which flew through Gerard’s mind the last days more penetrant than before leave his mouth.

“What?” Frank’s head snaps up. “Why? Why do you say something like that?”

“We are so different.” Gerard knows, he _knows,_ how silly and childish he sounds. He just doesn’t want to reveal his true reasons even though he’s also sure that Frank already knows them.

Frank’s eyes narrow until he’s staring skeptically at Gerard and lays the mail down on the kitchen table. “Okay, if you don’t want to be with me, say it, Gerard, but fuck this argument. Didn’t you find a better one? Maybe you also want to add ‘Let’s stay friends?’” His voice got more ironic from word to word.

Although Frank seems just pissed outwards, Gerard knows him well enough to see the hurt in his eyes and he really hates to see Frank hurt. That’s why he settles for the truth even though it doesn’t seem to calm Frank down. Quite the contrary. “I’m just so fucked up and you could have everyone. You could find someone better. Someone more fun. Someone more attractive.”

“Gosh, Gerard. I don’t want to find someone else, why don’t you get this?!”

“I just can’t believe it. One morning you’ll realize I’m just a strange guy and you’ll finally see that I’m as bad as… my ex-boyfriend said. Everyone saw it all the time and one morning you’ll see it too.” This is the horror scenario that won’t let him sleep at night, that makes him hold his breath on some mornings because Gerard’s so sure that this will be the morning Frank finally realizes.

But instead of being the calm person Frank most of the time is, he just can’t hold back his hurt feelings and frustration. “I will not. Okay? I will not realize that one day because it’s not true.” The beauty of Frank’s words disappears in his anger. “Why do you always presume that my interest in you is just temporary and not real? That hurts.”

 “I don’t wanna hurt you, Frank. I just want to protect you.” Gerard mumbles, only looking at Frank for a few seconds.

“Please tell me, you don’t want to protect me from yourself.” Frank’s hands cling around the edge of the table he’s leaning against, revealing his tension even though he tries to keep it out of his voice whereby his words sound gritted out.

“I just…Maybe I want to protect myself.” He never thought that he really would say that out loud, knowing that it will just increase Frank’s wounded feelings.

Instead of seeming more upset, Frank’s voice sounds kind of relieved as he says: “That sounds more true.” But disappointment appears in it as he continues. “You trust me that little? Are you scared of me, Gerard?” In this moment, all Frank knows is that he is scared. Scared, that Gerard will say yes. Scared, that he never noticed that he made Gerard feel uncomfortable.

“No! I mean… No, not of you. But I’m scared of you leaving me. I’m scared of falling to pieces and not getting up again.”

“Gee… Can I -... Can I take your hand? Is that okay?” Frank feels a sudden urge to reach out and getting closer to Gerard.

“Yeah…”

“Hey. Look at me.” Frank gently tilts his head up, hand resting on his neck and his thumb caressing Gerard’s cheek. “I won’t leave you. Nobody thinks you’re strange or a bad person and if they do so, I’m gonna punch them. I won’t break up with you just because it gets difficult. I’m here. And I’m going to stay.”

“But… Do you want me to stay?” His voice is a bit shaky as he speaks the words after collecting enough courage to ask the question.

This time Gerard doesn’t hesitate before answering the question. “Yes. Yes, I want you to. I really want you to stay. I’m sorry for freaking out.”

“Don’t be. It’s okay.” Frank says, back to being the understanding and caring boyfriend.

“No. It’s not. You’re so patient and all I do is freaking out.” Looking back now, multiple discussions like this one pop up in Gerard’s mind and he swears to himself to _finally_ trust Frank completely.

“Freaking out is not _the only_ thing you do.”

“But I do it pretty often. Too often.”

“Yeah, okay. Maybe it’s true.” Frank agrees with a smirk appearing on his face which fades and his eyes take a serious expression again as he reassures Gerard. “But I know that you don’t do it on purpose. I know that you don’t want these talks either.”

“I just can’t help it sometimes. I just can’t believe that I got this lucky.”

“Better get used to it. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

***

Gerard drags Frank with him to bed, holding one hand around his neck and fisting the other in his shirt, knuckles white, so Frank has no other option than stumble clumsily with him towards the bed. Their mouths never part even though it’s more spit and lips desperately crashing together than anything else.

It’s been too long since they’ve done something like this. Since Frank could touch Gerard like this. Since he’s seen him so unburdened and especially since he’s seen him so _needy_. They’ve hardly been through their front door when Gerard pushed Frank against the wooden door and pressed their mouths together. Licking into Frank’s mouth immediately, moaning and rubbing against him like he can’t help it.

Frank stood paralyzed for a second, not knowing how to handle the situation, not knowing how far he could go. How much Gerard was able to give. So, his hands were resting lightly on Gerard’s hips not daring to move. But the moment Gerard kissed down his jaw and sucked on his pulse point, Frank wasn’t able to hold back a moan and allowed himself to touch, to let his hands travel under Gerard’s shirt.

When his fingers brushed against the soft skin of Gerard’s hips and belly Frank could feel Gerard go tense for a moment but he eased off as if he remembered that it _’s Frank._

Frank who has never been anything but supportive and patient over the last year. Who respected that Gerard couldn’t stand the lightest touch at the beginning of their relationship. Who sensed every time Gerard was feeling uncomfortable in the last months and stopped immediately or led him out of the club where suddenly where too many people for Gerard to handle. 

It’s just in this moment when Gerard’s knees hit the bed and he falls backwards onto it that Frank snaps back into reality and all the reasons that they haven’t done this yet crash over him again. Even though it’s hard to concentrate with Gerard laying spread out on the bed in front of him and looking at Frank with blown pupils and heavy rising chest. But what a shitty person would Frank be to just take this opportunity? Especially in a night they were out drinking and dancing with friends? Frank doesn’t want that Gerard feels like he has to do this because of their discussion this morning.

So, he slowly settles himself on Gerard’s lap straddling his thighs never breaking eye contact. Ready to just sit next to Gerard if he shows a sign of uncomfortable feeling or flashback. But Gerard seems to be pretty happy with the development of Frank kneeling over him. One hand next to his face to hold him up and the other caressing Gerard’s cheek while Frank ducks down to peck his lips once.

Gerard’s head intends to follow Frank’s lips as they move away after the short, for Gerard _too_ short, touch but Frank stops him by leaning his forehead against his and whispering against his lips so Gerard can feel his breath ghosting over his mouth. “I don’t think we should do this tonight. It’s not that I don’t wanna do it, god, I really want to.”

Gerard moves back an inch so he can look into Frank’s eyes. Seeing the conflict Frank is fighting but mostly recognizing the concern which he often saw in his eyes in particular when Frank thought Gerard didn’t know that he was looking at him.

“I just think it’s a bit rashly and we’re both not really sober and I don’t want to…” Frank trails of as Gerard involves him into a kiss and starts playing with the short strands at the back of his neck, winds them around his fingers and tugging slightly.

Gerard’s soft lips and tongue sliding against his almost makes him forget about his earlier concern. It just feels _so good_. He lets out a breathy unhappy noise when Gerard breaks away and tilts his head back so he can look Frank in the eye and make sure he gets what Gerard means.

“I want it, Frank. I appreciate it so much that you’ve been so patient and lovely but… y’know I have to get over this.” Earlier exaggerated confidence slowly vanishing. “I just have to leave it behind. And there’s no other one I want to do this with. I trust you, Frankie.”

“But you’re sure you want it now? I can wait if that’s what this is about.”

“I know. I know you would wait as long as I need you to. But I just _need_ you to be not patient and concerned anymore.”

“Gerard, I just don’t know if –“

“ _Please_ , Frank I have to leave it behind.”

Frank takes a deep breath, looking in Gerard’s eyes reassuringly. He needs to find a sign that Gerard really means what he’s saying. And he does find this sign. Gerard is looking so serious and at the same time so desperate that Frank abandons his biggest worries even though he will never get rid of all of them.

“Okay. But if you need me to stop you have to say it. I’m not him. Whenever you tell me it’s too much, whenever you tell me I need to stop, I will. I promise. I will take care of you. Do anything so you can fill your head with better memories.”

Gerard nods and manages only a whispered “Okay.” because his throat suddenly feels so tight. What did he do to deserve someone like Frank? Someone who really cares, someone who would wait till the end of time so that Gerard feels as comfortable as possible?

Before Frank can see his glinting eyes Gerard pulls him down with his hand still fisted in his hair. They kiss until they’re both out of breath and only break away when they really have to. Frank’s hands are still not moving, just resting firmly on Gerard’s hips and drawing circles into to the little exposed skin. He waits and lets Gerard set the pace in which they’re going to do this.

Because, _fuck_ , Frank can’t believe that they’re actually doing it. They’ve never done anything more than kissing and a bit of touching, so this is a big step forward for both of them. But Frank knows it’s a fucking huge step for Gerard.

As Gerard lets one of his hands slide over Frank’s chest and onto his back to pull him even closer Frank can’t help but to speak up again. “You sure you want this, babe?” Gerard blushes when he hears the pet name and has to clear his throat before he can answer. “I’m sure. Really. And I promise to tell you if I want to stop.”

Frank looks at him evaluating before he starts kissing his way down. Leaving open mouth kisses all over his cheek, jawline and neck. Arriving at Gerard’s collarbone he tugs down the shirt with one hand while leaving a light bruise and hearing Gerard moan low in his throat.

With a shock, Frank realizes it’s the first time he actually hears Gerard moan and fuck if that isn’t a pretty sound. Gerard seems to have the same thought because he cuts his noise half way through and lightly tenses under Frank’s mouth. Anyone else probably wouldn’t have even noticed but Frank was aware of any sign of displeasure Gerard gives. Breaking contact from his skin Frank looks up to see Gerard’s blushed cheeks as he looks down at Frank. Long eyelashes casting shadows on his cheekbones.

“Sorry, I’ll be quiet if you want me to…” Gerard mumbles apologetic. Now it’s Frank’s turn to freeze and trying to oppress the rage against the asshole who did this to Gerard. Frank is on level with Gerard’s face in no time pressing a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“Don’t you dare to hold back these pretty sounds. Need them so I know what you like. Okay? Don’t hold back. Wanna hear you. You can do this for me?”

Gerard blinks at him for a second before a shy smile appears on his face. “Okay. Yeah. I can do that.”

Frank kisses him again, feeling Gerard relax completely and sliding his hands down to the hem of Frank’s shirt. With a cautious movement, he slips his fingers under the fabric and lets them travel upwards Frank’s chest. Brushing against his nipple and causing Frank to moan into Gerard’s mouth.

Frank breaks the kiss, sits back and takes his shirt off, all while Gerard stares in awe at his exposed tattoos. Delicate fingers ghost over his skin as Gerard traces the lines of the swallows on Frank’s hips. “I like your tattoos.” He admits gently as he looks up again to meet Frank’s eyes.

“Thank you. May I – “ Frank’s starts the question and ends it by tugging at Gerard’s own shirt. Suddenly unconfident again, Gerard gnaws on his bottom lip before he nods slowly and sits up, so that Frank can strip his shirt off.

Once Gerard’s back hits the mattress again he looks more insecure about his body than Frank think he’s ever seen him. Frank _knows_ his staring doesn’t make Gerard feel better but he just _can’t_ help it. That’s more skin than he’s ever seen at short glances when Gerard gets dressed in the morning and he just can’t dart his eyes away.

He snaps out of his staring as Gerard moves his hands away from Frank’s hips to fold them over the pudge of his hips and belly. Frank catches his hands and interlaces their fingers while taking one last look before he moves his eyes up. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, Gee. Don’t have to hide this.” Hearing the words, a blush spreads down Gerard’s cheeks and neck.

Frank sinks down again, catching Gerard’s lips and licks over his bottom lip before pushing his tongue inside. When their bare chests touch, they both let out a low moan and Frank lowers himself further until their crotches are pressed together as well and, _fuck._ They groan and Gerard bucks up his hips.

“I didn’t… I mean I… I’m sorry.” Gerard’s voice is breathless as he moves his hands hastily to fumble open Frank’s belt. But Frank catches his hands and brings them up around his neck again. “What are you doing, Gee? What are you sorry for?”

Gerard shifts his gaze and Frank feels his arms tighten around his neck. “I…you know…make up for not behave… because… you before me? … and…” Frank heart aches at Gerard’s mumbled words and he really, _really_ wants to punch Gerard’s fucking asshole ex-boyfriend. Instead he rests on hand under Gerard’s chin, so that he has to look at Frank.

“That’s not how it works, Gerard. It’s about the both of us. About feeling good. About letting yourself go. It is not about you pleasing me.” Frank says seriously whereas never letting go of Gerard’s gaze. “Okay?” Even though Gerard nods slightly Frank’s sure that his old habits are too stuck as that they would just fade away because of his words. But he is willing to say them over and over again until Gerard internalized these words.

Frank runs a hand through Gerard’s black hair, pushing the strands out of his face. He starts leaving kisses down the warm skin of Gerard’s chest and lets his hands travel over his sides while speaking between several kisses.

“Now it’s just about you. Wanna make you feel good. ‘Cause you deserve this, Gee. You are so beautiful and you’re worth it. Don’t let someone ever tell you something different.” Frank’s lips are resting on the skin above Gerard’s waistband as he looks up. Seeing Gerard’s swollen red lips, hearing his unsteady breath and quiet moans, he asks “Okay?”

“I don’t want you to not enjoy this. Like you said, it’s about the both of us. What if I can’t give you what you need or if you will realize that I’m just ugly and bad at this?”

Frank frowns and rests is chin on his belly, still looking up to Gerard. “I promise you that that won’t happen. Never. Not a chance that that is a possible scenario.” Like as proof he starts kissing Gerard’s skin again and sucks a light bruise into the skin above his hipbone.

“Can I get rid of your pants now, please?” He asks, letting his thumb slide over the bulge in Gerard’s pants.

“Fuck, ah.” Gerard hisses out and groans.

“I take that as a ‘yes’.” Frank states and sits up to take off Gerard’s pants which are, like always, so tight that he has to stand up to get them over Gerard’s ankles. “I guess these bell-bottoms have a right to become popular again. Skinny jeans are just too much effort to get rid of.”

Gerard’s giggles die down as Frank settles on his shins, rests his arms on level with Gerard’s hips and starts mouthing at his hardening cock through the thin fabric of the underwear. Sudden sparks shoot from his crotch up Gerard’s spine. Arching his head back, he lets out a, finally, uncontrolled moan. Frank’s hot breath ghosting over his dick is so _good_ but still not _enough_.

“You want me to take that off, too?” Frank grins sheepishly and tugs on the waistband. He just earns a frantic nod from Gerard as the last of his clothing disappears. Frank can’t resist to allow himself a moment of just looking.

Gerard’s cheeks are reddish, pupils blown, hair sticking in several directions. Light bruises where Frank sucked on the sensitive skin of his chest. Hard cock standing out, getting Frank’s attention before his gaze wanders further down to Gerard’s thighs.

What Gerard sees are chubby, gross thighs in a skin color that just proves his lack of spending time outside. He heard the words of his ex-boyfriend so often, he could retell every single word he used. But this was different because what Frank sees are gorgeous legs and soft porcelain skin.

“Really fuckin’ beautiful, Gee.” Frank can’t hide the amazement and praise in his voice as he lets his hands travel over Gerard’s thighs. Taunt, tattooed hands on pale skin. Gerard shivers and presses his crotch closer to Frank’s stroking hands.

His forehead resting on Gerard’s hip and tongue licking in circles, Frank breaks his caressing to ask one last time. “You’re okay?”

“Yes. Just please… _do_ something.” Gerard moans out and Frank doesn’t need any more to get his mouth on his dick and licking the tip.

With finally getting to taste Gerard and feeling his cock laying heavy on his tongue as he licks from the base to tip and wraps his slick lips around the head, the time he spent waiting is forgotten and he sinks further down.

Gerard’s breathing had picked up and he lets out a needy squeak as his cock hits the back of Frank’s throat. “So _good. God._ Don’t stop. Feels so good.” He lets out another groan and fists his hands in the bedsheet.

He fights against the urge to arch his head back because he just has to look. Frank’s head bobbing up and down, stroking what he can’t fit in his mouth, strands getting in his face and letting out filthy moans himself when Gerard’s cock hits his throat, so that Gerard can feel the vibration around his cock.

He can feel the heat spreading in his whole body, nearly getting too much but feeling so fucking good when Frank sinks down again as far as he can and swallows around Gerard’s dick that he can’t help but let out a loud gasp, choked with a moan.

Frank slows his movements then, lifting his hands to Gerard’s which desperately cling to the sheets. With just the tip of his cock in his mouth he pulls gently and Gerard hasn’t the power to resist even though he just wants Frank to keep going. It’s been so long, too long, that he got to do this with actually feeling good, so fucking good.

Frank holds Gerard’s gaze and moves his hands slowly into his hair. Gerard pushes the loose strands out of Frank’s face before latching helplessly onto his hair as soon as the strands tangle around his fingers. Letting out an involuntary noise at the tugging of Gerard’s hands, Frank lets him guide him down again and swirls his tongue around the head as he goes back up.

Gerard falls into a steady panting and moaning, and Frank is really fucking hard. He wants to take off his own much too tight pants but he said it’s all about Gerard and he meant it.

Gerard’s hips twitch up regularly like he just couldn’t stop. “Fuck, _fuck Frank_ please…” Gerard rasped, voice wrecked. He could feel his orgasm build in his belly, spreading out and shooting and prickling through his veins. His hands tighten even more and scratch over Frank’s sculp.

Frank wants to rub his aching cock so badly against Gerard’s thigh that his movements get sloppy and spit drops over his own hands. His eyes tear up as he continues deep throating Gerard but he is getting so into it, he just couldn’t stop and judged by the noises Gerard makes he doesn’t want Frank to stop either.

As his panting turns into high pitched moaning, Frank suddenly pulls off. “No, _please_. Frank, come on.” Gerard whines, twitching his hips up. Frank stills his motion by placing a hand on his hip, holding him down.

“You’re just too pretty, baby. So hot looking down at me and letting yourself go.” Gerard can’t do anything more but whine at Frank’s words.

Frank crawls up, so he is on one level with Gerard and starts nibbling at his ear, continuing to whisper sweet nothings as he hooks his hands under Gerard’s knees and lifting them up so that Frank is laying between his bent legs. Gerard is so lost in his feeling of _so close_ , Frank’s words and touches that he nearly overhears the question.

“You want to go further or want me to get you off like this?” As desperately as Gerard wants Frank to just _keep going_ he also wants to take this a step farther and get over his demons of the past. “Wanna go further, wanna… I trust you.” He breathes out and looks at Frank’s loving eyes.

“Yeah, gonna make you feel so good, babe.” Frank kisses Gerard briefly before leaning over to search through his bedside table. He mumbles under his breath to himself until he finds the lube bottle hidden in the very back.

Coating his fingers with the cold liquid he holds Gerard’s gaze and smiles at him. Gerard smiles back and nods slowly when Frank lays the bottle aside and gives him a questioning look.

Frank spreads Gerard’s legs further gently and sees him blush even more. “Really gorgeous.” He praises, wanting Gerard to know his worth so badly.

One hand placed on his hip, Frank can feel the shiver running through Gerard as he circles a first finger around Gerard’s entrance. “ _God_. Fuck.” Gerard breaths and pushes a hand through his shaggy black hair.

Frank hums in response kissing the inside of Gerard’s thigh, distracting him by biting at the soft flesh as he pushes the tip of his finger in. Gerard’s eyes slip shut and he lets out a groan. Not used to this feeling anymore, overwhelmed by the sensation of it. This is so different to everything he experienced. It’s not just that it feels so good, it’s more than just sex with Frank. With Frank, there’s love and that makes it feel so much better.

Crooking and pushing his finger further in, Frank can’t stop himself to look at Gerard’s ecstatic face as he arches his back up and lets his head fall back, so that Frank can see his sharp jawline and the pale skin of his neck where the bruises he left begin to form.

Frank gives it some time before moving and pushing his finger in and out slowly. His gaze still laying on Gerard’s face, looking for a sign of discomfort but he seems fine. More than fine.

“Need…More.” sounds quietly from Gerard’s mouth, still not feeling comfortable with asking for what he wants. “Yeah, ‘kay. Want you to tell me what you like.” Gerard’s answer gets lost in his moan as Frank slips his middle finger in beside his pointer finger. Stretching and burning at first, it feels much more intense a few moments later and Gerard starts to push his hips down slightly to meet Frank’s fingers and getting them deeper.

Gerard can’t stop babbling, vocabulary reduced to Frank’s name and several curses about how good it feels. Seeing Gerard like this fills Frank with a strange possessive and proud feeling about he being the only one to make him fall apart like this. To see him so handsome and stunning. But most of all he’s so glad to see Gerard forgetting about his self-conscious habits.

Frank takes a moment, amazed by the way how Gerard is so lost in his own pleasure, riding his fingers and panting helplessly. He starts moving them faster, curving and prodding, searching for Gerard’s spot.

“Oh, _fuck. Right_ there…”

Frank made a point of angling his fingers right every time. Encouraging Gerard to let himself go. “God, feel so tight around my fingers, babe. So good. Doing so well.” Gerard can just moan at this, his hips moving uncontrolled as Frank pushes further in and rubs on his prostate with every thrust of his strong fingers.

Slowing the pace of his thrusting fingers, Frank kisses his way up until he can press his lips to Gerard’s. Both moan at the sudden contact, their kiss is sloppy and more panting into each other’s mouth than actually kissing but they’re both damn happy with that.

While licking over the bruises on Gerard’s neck, Frank takes up his earlier pace, moving his fingers quick and knuckle deep. He can see Gerard leaking precum as he looks down, watching his own fingers thrust into him.

Sweat glistens on Gerard’s hairline and he bites his bottom lip, totally lost in the feeling of _FrankFrankFuckSoGood._ He is writhing and so near to falling apart as Frank gets in his third finger unexpected. Gerard’s hands come up to rest on Franks hips to press them in the skin there as he shoves down harder onto Frank’s fingers.

Frank starts scissoring his fingers and continues to brush Gerard’s spot steadily or keeps the tips of his fingers firmly pressed against it. He slows down his pace again but that doesn’t matter anymore. Gerard is too far gone to care about pace or controlled movements. Squirming and panting and moaning, he just cares about Frank’s fingers shoving in deep and pushing all the right buttons.

“Look at me when you come.” Frank demands as licks Gerard’s jaw and moves his fingers fast, shoving Gerard over the edge finally. He comes with a loud, choked noise and arches his back but holds Franks gaze although his eyes damn near roll back over how good he feels.

Frank continues to slide his fingers in and out gently and letting Gerard ride out his aftershocks as he lets his head fall to the side and exposes his sweaty neck which particularly begs to be sucked on. So, Frank nibbles softly on parts of Gerard’s neck. Listening to Gerard’s moans getting lower and his breathing steading. Frank hums against his skin.

“Felt good? You’re okay?” He just has to ask. Gerard’s noises were a good indicator but he has to hear it from Gerard.

“Yeah. Fuck Yeah.” Gerard says, voice wrecked but Frank can still hear the smile in it. Gerard turns his head to Frank, so that he can place one hand on Frank’s cheek and kiss him softly. “Thank you.”

“Any time again.” Frank giggles into Gerard’s mouth and kisses his soft lips again. Gerard burrows his face into the crook of Frank’s neck and asks Frank to lay on his back.

Gerard follows Frank a bit uncertainly but Frank’s hands which come to rest on his hips as soon as he straddles his lap calm him down. Frank’s touch is warm and reassuringly. As Gerard lowers himself, frank lays his fingers around his chin, stopping Gerard in his movement and causing him to look up.

“You don’t have to. If you don’t want that’s okay. Really.” His breathing is quick and he has to bring up a lot of self-control to not just fist his hands in Gerard’s hair and guide him to his aching cock. “I want to. I really want to. Please let me – “

His voice sounds desperate and already wrecked from earlier. “Can I?”

“Don’t need permission for that then, baby.”

 

***

Later that night Frank is laying under a stack of blankets and listens to the rain clashing on their window. Gerard is pressed up against him with his face buried in the crook of his neck and an arm slung over Frank’s middle. With his hand, Frank strokes up his side and lets the strands of Gerard’s black hair slide through his fingers.

Frank buries his face in his hair then and takes in his distinctive scent. Gerard hums happily in his sleep when Frank places kiss on his head.

Maybe some malicious minds would think that Frank sacrifices himself for Gerard. That he wastes energy. That he’s trying to fix a someone who can’t be fixed. And maybe in still nights when Frank can’t hear anything except for his own screaming thought, he thinks the same.

These thoughts cross his mind for a second, he would lie if he would say that they don’t. But that doesn’t mean that he will give up on Gerard. That he will leave. Because he won’t, he would never. Not because he feels like he has to stay with him, that he’s bounded to him.

He stays because even though it’s hard and maybe more work than other relationships, he can’t even bear the thought of leaving Gerard. Frank found a person who took him like he is with all his flaws and weird habits. Someone who is loving and caring. Someone who comes up with the strangest ideas just to discuss the deepest thoughts a second later. Someone who smiles with all his heart and making Frank’s heart glow up when he’s the reason for Gerard’s smile.

Why would he leave all of that?

In a good relationship, there’s always a hundred percent love. Maybe not both can give their fair percentage all the time. Maybe some can never give more than a determined limit. Maybe some can learn to give more from time to time. But the important thing is that there’s someone else who is willing to fill up your percentage, so that there is a hundred percent love. And Frank is very willing to that. No matter what Gerard is able to give, no matter if he is able to increase his percentage, Frank will stay. 

 


End file.
